When it comes up to this time of the year, I can’t help but remember back in 2017 when I was starting to really struggle at University. It got to the point where I couldn’t leave the flat due to my paranoia that people were going to be looking at me and judging me. Then I started to freak out over my course and feel lonely all at the same time.
Now I’m at University again having a second chance, personally I’m in a better place but every so often I have some mentally bad days. Today has turned out to be one of those days.
This morning I overslept and missed my first lecture, and as I was rushing to get ready for my next one – I found myself on the verge of a panic attack. I had to sit down in the dark and wait for it to pass – which meant that I missed my bus and the next seminar. That, of course, did not really help me to feel any better.
I’m prone to taking the odd couple of Mental Health Days, because I wear myself out too easily and need to relax before I essentially explode. And while it’s nowhere near as bad as it was 2 years ago, I can’t help but worry that it’s all going to go wrong like it did then.
The worst thing is I never know how to explain any of this to my lecturers – I worry that they’ll think I’m just being lazy and judge me.
Writing is my type of therapy though, so as long as I can feel comfortable writing about my feelings, I’ll be alright. Plus, I think it’s important to make sure that there is an open conversation when it comes to Mental Health.